Hold Me Now, I Need To Feel You
by I'mtheAlphahearmeRoar
Summary: Derek should have stopped him...


_**Another sad Sterek death!fic, I'm afraid. **_

_**Tissues may be needed for sensitive people. Heed the warning.**_

* * *

This wasn't meant to happen. _Fuck_, this _wasn't meant to happen_. He had said he'd be okay, said he'd be _capable _of using that much magic without any likelihoods of danger. Knowing the hazards himself, Derek should have stopped the boy. But no, he hadn't. _Why _hadn't he? _WHY_?

The nightly wind was crisp and chill, like an icy cold bullet that swept through the trees and turned everything in its path into a shivering mess. Because of Derek's werewolf anatomy, he didn't feel a thing; nothing but a slight nippy breeze. But Stiles, he _could _feel it. Completely. To Stiles, the wind felt like it was biting into his skin and freezing him from the inside out.

"C'mon Stiles, just a little more," Derek urged softly, hitching the boy's arm more securely over his shoulder. They were trekking up a steep hillside, Derek ambling gradually while supporting the weight of Stiles, who was leaning against him and limping each step, trembling and gasping like it took up every single bit of his energy.

A few more steps later Derek felt the body against him sag, hear the shallow rasp of breaths that left struggling lungs with each inhale and exhale. "No, no, _come on_. Stiles, we have to keep going." Derek tried to move another step but Stiles shook his head, closing his eyes against another gust of wind that blew through him.

"I – I can't," he wheezed, "I can't."

"Yes you can," Derek said firmly, though his face gave away his true emotional state, which was far from what his voice was showing in the strength department. "You _can_, Stiles. I know you can."

Stiles shook his head again, licking his lips. "No, n-no I can't," he mumbled, form swaying. "I'm done, Derek."

Derek had only but a short amount of time to catch the body falling forwards, arms supporting Stiles' spine and hands cradling the back of his head. The weight was hefty, but Derek being a werewolf could deal with it. He brushed his thumb gently through the hair at the back of the boy's skull. "We have to keep moving. Stiles, you can't give up."

Stiles' body shook in Derek's arms as he coughed, another gust of wind ripping though him and numbing what was left of his strength. "Don't m-make me, Der. Please," he begged weakly, "because I – I can't."

Derek, looking into Stiles' dim eyes, knew that the boy was telling the truth. The spell he'd done to destroy the nymph they'd been battling, had drained enough of his life force to leave him with only an hour left live. That had been forty five minutes ago; now there was barely twenty minutes left. Only a short amount of time until Derek would have to watch the love of his life, his _mate_, slowly wither away and die. It wasn't _enough_, dammit. _Not enough time_.

"Hey, hey, shhh. It's okay." Derek pressed a gentle brush of a kiss to Stiles' lips, rubbing his nose into the crook of the boy's neck. "I'll carry you."

"Y-You sure?" Stiles murmured, voice a quiet whisper.

"Yes. I'm not leaving you here to d-" Derek bit his lip, and clenched his eyes shut, wincing at what he'd been so close to saying. He wouldn't voice it aloud, for the realism of the words would just tear him apart.

"You can say it, y-ya know." Stiles attempted a shrug but his body was just too weak to even manage _that_, so it was practically only a twitch of his shoulders. "N-No harm in admitting the truth."

Derek refused to say it. He _couldn't_. "No," he said, voice cracking, "I won't, because it's _not_… the truth. You're not going to-"

"-die? Y-Yeah," a cough, "I am."

"**_NO_**!"

Derek's roar shocked _himself_. He just couldn't contain his emotions anymore. They were just too agonizing, wrapping themselves around his conscience and blinding his wolf's true nature of anger and rage, turning it into a beast that felt of nothing but pure _terror _and _panic_.

He could feel Stiles jolt in his arms, not expecting the outburst. "Derek, d-don't – don't try and ignore what's inevitable," he whispered, "because you _know_, you know it's going to happen and-"

When Stiles' voice dissipated into a tremor of coughs, Derek's eyes widened fearfully. He pulled the pulsating body in his arms closer to his chest, side of Stiles' head pressed over his heart. The coughs were utterly _painful_ to hear and the more they sounded, the more they grew in force.

"Stiles, no," he choked, clutching the body tighter to him when the coughs rose in volume, becoming harsher. He swore he felt something wet soak into his shirt, but he was too afraid to look down and see what it was. _Blood_, his mind told him, _its blood and looking at it is going to make this harder than it already is, Derek_. He couldn't help but agree with himself. Seeing the liquid essence that should be _inside Stiles,_ running through the boy's veins, instead on his shirt, would just _destroy him_.

Eventually the coughs started to die down. Stiles' body was trembling lightly and his breaths were shallow, _too _shallow. Derek wasted no time in lifting the fragile boy up, securely in his arms, before starting to run at a full-speed sprint up the hillside. He wouldn't let Stiles… _die_…here…

"W-Wa're you doin'?" Stiles slurred, choking on another cough that racked through him.

"Carrying you," Derek replied steadfastly, not letting the worrying air of Stiles' voice waver his strong, rapid paced footsteps. He had to get Stiles up to the top of the hill. He _had to_. He wanted the view of the town, the moon lit high in the sky, _his face_, to be the last things Stiles saw. Call it selfish, but Derek would _not _let Stiles die looking at trees and forest earth.

"Oh—kay," came the soft, barely spoken reply.

When Derek managed to get him and Stiles to the top of the hill, the wind had started to pick up heavily. He could feel the boy shaking fitfully and hissing breathlessly in his arms; the wind must be practically _tearing_ through his flannel shirt.

"I'm going to put you down now, okay?" he said gently, and when he felt the small movement of Stiles nodding he sat down carefully, making sure Stiles was positioned comfortably in his lap. As soon as he was, Derek slipped off his leather jacket and draped it over Stiles to keep him warm. He stroked his hand through the boy's hair, massaging the scalp lightly.

"Mmm, t-tha's nice," Stiles murmured, small smile easing its way onto his face. "T-Thanks, Der."

"It's fine," Derek replied, just _barely _maintaining his composure. Seeing Stiles like this, with his skin so pale and body so limp, just made him want to break down in tears. Something that he'd never felt the need to do since he'd lost his sister, Laura.

They sat there quietly for a few minutes, Derek stroking his hand through Stiles' hair and listening to the fluttering beat of the boy's heart as he stared up at the stars. The silence was broken when Derek felt Stiles shift in his lap, a forced noise that sounded horribly injured escaping his throat.

Derek looked down to see Stiles' face scrunched up in pain, jaw twinging. "Stiles, what is it?" he asked worriedly, hand moving down to stroke along the boy's forehead.

"H-Hurts," was all Stiles uttered out before his body was seizing up in Derek's arms, wounded cry leaving his lips in a sob.

"Stiles, _where_? Where does it hurt? _Stiles_!" Derek felt his resolve slipping, and it was all but gone by the time another horrendous cry of agony found its way out of Stiles' shuddering body.

"Make it s-stop, Der! Please, Der, make it _stop_!" Stiles sobbed, twisting violently in Derek's arm, back arching upwards. "_Make it stop_!"

"I – I – I can try, " he choked.

Derek gripped the boy's arm, closing his eyes as he let the spidery black veins travel up his arm, seeping out pain from Stiles' body and drawing it into his own. He gasped, eyes flying open when he felt it. _Stiles' pain_. It was like wolfsbane running through his veins, red-hot and sizzling. His whole body felt like it was on fire, engulfed in intense raging heat. Sharp rips of pain were _everywhere _and they were only getting _worse_, not stopping but coming _again _and_ again_.

"_Fuck_," he grunted, breathing through clenched teeth as he continued to absorb the pain, thread by thread. He could feel Stiles' body ease up, becoming less tense and more limp. A few more seconds later the boy's breath wasn't as harsh and panted, slowly starting to whistle down to a regular pace.

"D-Der… pain… s'gone," Stiles said quietly.

"That – that's good, Stiles," Derek replied, voice wavering as he let the last tendril of pain travel through his veins, the burn nothing now but a numbing heat in his bones.

"T-Thank you," Stiles whispered softly, hand moving to grip lightly on Derek's arm that was taking his pain, "y-you're the best."

Derek let out a mirthless chuckle. Even given the completely dire circumstances, Stiles could bring out something in him. "Don't worry about it. It was nothing, Stiles. You needed it." He waved off the complement, pressing a lightly brushed kiss to the boy's forehead.

"Well, t-thanks anyway," Stiles smiled, "I – I think I can-"

Derek heard the instant Stiles' heartbeat skipped a beat, stuttering dramatically. Stiles must had realized it too because this _look _passed over his features, before his smile became a little more dopey.

"No," he said, voice shaking, "Stiles, no."

"D-Derek, this – this is it," Stiles whispered, voice deadly soft. He looked up at the stars, and Derek watched how the moonlight made his eyes shine like molten gold. Molten gold that was _dying_, dimming out…

"Stiles, don't – don't leave me. P-Please," he choked, squeezing the boy's hand. Stiles just continued smiling his dopey smile, eyelids fluttering.

"I c-can't, m'sorry," he slurred tiredly, "it's my t-time, Der."

Derek heard as his mate's heartbeat skipped a beat, and then re-started again, _thump thump's _slower than they'd been a few seconds ago.

"You – ya'know," Stiles blinked up at him, feebly trying to keep his eyes open enough so he could see Derek's face, "m'gonna miss you, sourwolf."

This time, Derek didn't let the tears stay stored away. They ran down his face relentlessly, rivets of salty tears that dripped down his chin, trying to cling to his stubble but ending up splattering in small droplets on Stiles' paling skin. A sob tore free from his throat, small and broken.

"Hey, hey, no cryin'," Stiles admonished softly, "crying's for babies. You – you're an Alpha, Der. Alphas don' cry."

Derek laughed weakly. "Y-Yeah, they do when they're losing the only one thing that they care about," he sniffled, swallowing around the huge lump that had taken itself to constricting his speech.

"Well, m'flattered," Stiles chuckled, though it was more of a rasp that bubbled in his chest.

Another skip sounded in Stiles' heartbeat, this time even longer, and the _thump thump's _appearing every ten seconds, getting slower….

"I'm not," Derek whimpered, gasping out shaken stammering breaths, "I'm not going to be able to live without you, Stiles."

"Sure you can, s'not so hard," Stiles said, tone chirpy but still implying that deep, deep down he _knew _how much this was hurting Derek.

Stiles' heartbeat was slowing dramatically, _thump thump_'s sounding like they're having trouble with continuing.

"I love you," Derek whispered, leaning down to press his lips against Stiles', mouth moving languidly against one that tried its hardest to return the notion.

_Thump… thump…_

"I love you, too," Stiles said softy, his breath puffing out in a shallow huff of air against Derek's lips.

_Thump… thump…_

Derek pressed his lips again gently, once more, over Stiles', closing his eyes and mesmerising the feel of his mate's soft flesh covering his own.

_Thump…_

"Rest, Stiles. Just – j-just rest."

_Tha—thump…_


End file.
